Barack Obama wants docs to focus on prevention. Never mind that his doctor can't get him to stop smoking, or that the Surgeon General suffers from Chronic Biscuit Toxicity (a Southern disease). If someone isn't well it's because the doctor failed to keep them well. I'm therefore working on my Preventative Pain Management Program.
Here are some ideas:
- I will deploy teams to go around telling people "Watch out! That floor is slippery!" and "Look both ways before you cross the street!" and "Lift with your knees, not your back - unless you have bad knees in which case you need to hire someone." Maybe ACORN can help me organize this.
- Taking a page from the colonoscopy book, we will offer bi-annual spine MRIs to detect evolving disease at an early stage.
- Everyone over 40 gets RF lesioning from L3 to S1 bilaterally and bilateral Simplicity RF to prevent back pain.
- After the age of 50 everyone gets an ESI every 6 months in case they get spinal stenosis. At age 65 they get a prophylactic 3-level posterior decompression.
- Hydrocodone in the water supply.
- The entire population of the United States will be placed on "light duty".