Malapropisms

A malapropism is the substitution of a word for a word with a similar sound, in which the resulting phrase makes no sense but often creates a comic effect. That definition came from Wikipedia and I think hits it on the head. Nowhere is it found more commonly than in medicine. We use so many high falootin' words that it is no wonder patients can get them wrong. About ninety-nine percent of the time I will let it go because I don't want to embarrass the patient. Later, I may smirk to myself as I dictate the visit. The bottom line is that many malapropisms are really funny. We have all heard the classics (mighty smilin' Jesus for spinal meningitis or fireballs in my Eucharist for fibroids in my uterus). Does any one have some new ones? The best ones will be published in a future PJ.